Journaling

[tristain kingsley everhart.]

Sept. 17

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So...

Thalia told me to try this, maybe it'd help me concentrate my thoughts and feelings and make it easier to control myself.

Somehow, I doubt it, honestly.

How could writing something down help with hearing other people's thoughts? I already know my thoughts, how will writing them down amount to anything?

But I'm a tad desperate. It doesn't seem like anything's changing for me, and I'm a senior; only one more year to figure this all out before I'm supposed to go out in the real world. Seriously... well, I'm scared, and I don't know if I"ll be able to leave. No one understands me out there, except Thalia, and she wants to have a life of her own. She can't be towing me around behind her, I'll hold her back from what she's capable of. She'll be great, I know it.

I've talked to some of my friends... well, I've tried. But every time I try to talk about it, I chicken out. It's hard to admit that I'm scared to them. I know how rumours spread across this campus; it'd be a matter of minutes before everyone knew I was afraid, and then what? I'm not like Thalia, I can't just take it as it comes.

I admire Thalia. Why, the world may never know. We're total opposites... but maybe that's why. She's so strong, where I'm... not. If only one of us could live in this world, she'd be the one. She doesn't hide in corners, she doesn't pretend she doesn't exist just so she won't have to explain why she's answering someone's thoughts.

Anyway, that's enough about her. I'm her brother, I shouldn't care that much about her. Or that's what I hear.

Weight lifting for soccer will start soon... that should be fun...

Alright, I admit it, I don't have much else to say. I met this girl... but that's not anything definite, and I feel like a girl myself, writing about it.

Well, that should fulfill Thalia's quota for the day. It's not like she's going to read it, anway, it just has to look like I did something so she can stop harping on me. She wants me to get control as much as I do.

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Well, that's life.

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